The Way Back
by NotDoneAbusingYou
Summary: When Francis falls ill, Catherine discovers Mary's plan to return to Scotland with Conde. Will she be able to stop her from destroying everything? [sister story to A 'Change of Heart']
1. Chapter 1

The words sunk in like a dagger to her chest. 'Francis has fallen ill' That was what Bash had told her. He also said Catherine believed he was dying. That couldn't be right. He didn't even seem sick yesterday. To make matters worse, he'd found her in Conde's arms when he broke the news.

"I have to go to him." She said to Conde.

"Mary..." he began.

"No. I have to. If Catherine is right, and he is dying, I can't just leave. Not now. It wouldn't be right." She said flatly. The news had yet to hit her. She went back inside and put on her cape. "You should wait before following...If anyone else sees..."

"How do we know Bash will keep this to himself?" He asked.

"He will." She said. If she knew anything, she knew Bash was a man of honor.

"But how do you know..." he asked again.

"He will." She said more sternly. She turned and ran out quickly, leaving Conde there alone.

She took off back to the castle as fast as she could, hoping that Bash had merely exaggerated his condition to upset her. Lord knows she wouldn't have blamed him if he had.

Catherine sat, staring into the fire, face still red from crying, when Mary opened the door to Francis's chambers. She looked up at her daughter-in-law, not yet sure if she even wanted her there. Mary didn't know what to say. She just looked at Catherine worriedly.

"So glad you could take time out from your scheming to visit your dying husband." She seethed.

"Scheming?" She asked, praying she didn't know.

"Oh, don't act so surprised. Your not fooling anyone. Did you really think you could keep me from finding out? I know about you and Conde.?" She told her as she stood.

"Yes, Francis told me you'd found out about our...affair." she said, looking off to the side. She didn't want to look her in the eye. It was the first time she'd heard herself say that, and she felt awful that this was the situation she had to admit it in.

"I don't mean your little tryst with the Bourbon! I am speaking of your treasonous plan to run off with him, back to Scotland!" She was upset by her still trying to lie even after she'd been caught.

"How..." she started. She couldn't understand. She'd been so careful.

"I have my ways...but this time, it just so happens I was informed by Narcisse." She said. Mary's eyes grew wide. He's the last person she needed to know. "Now while that information may be dangerous in my hands, my relationship with you will let you keep your head. Narcisse on the other hand...It is ten times more dangerous in his, since you killed his son." She wanted to question her about Narcisse, but knew this moment was not the time. She would have to deal with him later.

"I had to do this. My country is in shambles. I needed to go and try to save it." She said.

"Please, this has nothing to do with Scotland. You are running away from your problems. Hiding from your pain. You think if you leave, your memories stay here? It dosen't work that way my dear...And all the while you're trying to make yourself feel better, you have been devastating Francis. He has done nothing but try to make things right, and instead of letting him help you, letting anyone help you, you hurt him in the worst way possible. Of all the ways the prophecy may have played out, I never imagined you'd kill him by breaking his heart." She worked her way between angry and upset. Mary cringed at her mention of the prophecy.

"I can't help that I fell in love with him." Mary said.

"Oh stop it. You can lie to your ladies, you can lie to Conde, you can even lie to Francis, but you can't lie to me. I know you better. You don't love him. He's just safe. Unsoiled by what happened to you. He has feelings for you so you know he'll do what you need him to, without question. And your _affair, _simply a means to lie to yourself further because you don't want to feel guilty for using him." She said. Her words went straight to Mary's soul, but still she would not let herself admit a word of it. She also couldn't seem to muster the strength to argue with her.

"We shouldn't be having this conversation here. With him lying there like that. It's not right." She said. She couldn't bare to even look at him yet. As long as she didn't look at him, it wasn't real.

"Who are you to lecture me about what's right? Your about to destroy France and Scotland and my son, all because your too afraid to face the truth." The anger started to overcome the sadness.

"I'm not _afraid _of anything..." she started.

"You are. Your afraid if you face it you won't be able to handle it. Afraid to try to work things out because it's more terrifying to fail than not to try at all. Well I won't let you do it. I won't let you throw away everything. I won't let you ruin my son's life, or what little he has left of it. I won't let you tear down France's future...or your own. I will move heaven and earth to stop you." She finished her speech and stormed out of the room. She didn't want to let Mary see her get upset again. Not at that moment. She wanted to make sure she understood that she would do whatever it took. No matter the price. Even if she was secretly praying that price would not be Mary's head.


	2. Chapter 2

_**For those of you also reading 'A Change of Heart' I'm sorry for the bit of repetitiveness. I'm not going to make a habit of it, but I felt that, in order for this story to be able to stand on it's own this one bit of conversation was necessary to transfer over. **_

Catherine had gone back to her room to wait for Narcisse. After what had happened last night, she'd wanted to talk to him. But right now, she decided it was best if it waited until things calmed down. She had too much on her plate to try and work out her feelings. She needed to focus on Francis and finding a way to stop Mary.  
When Narcisse finally showed up she went to the door and stepped into the hallway. She was afraid if she let him in, he'd read more into the situation.

"You wished to speak with me?" He said.

"Yes, I know I called for you, but I can't discuss what happened with us last night. Not right now. Not with Francis..."she said, trying not to get emotional.

"I understand. It can wait until Francis is well." He said.

"You mean if he gets well." She replied.

"I already told you...your overreacting he'll be fine." He said. He leaned over and kissed her. "When you're ready." He said and left.

Mary sat by the fire in Francis's room, still yet unable to bring herself to go to him. She was too afraid to make it real. If she just stayed where she was, it wasn't real. She also didn't want to believe Catherine was right. That this was her fault somehow. But that was crazy...wasn't it? 'It's an ear infection. How could I possibly have caused an ear infection?' She asked herself. Yet, still, she had a sinking feeling that she had. She stood and started pacing the room. She started to walk towards the bed and stopped, then she started again, and stopped again. Finally, decided she needed to do it. She had to face it. She started walking towards the bed again and the door opened and Lola entered the room. Mary stopped.

"Mary, I hate to bother you right now, but there's a problem. The court is starting to get worried. They heard about Francis. They are demanding answers. Some are already arguing over new politics. They act like he's already dead." Lola said.

"Then we will simply have to assure them that the King is well." Mary said, walking towards the door.

"Well? Mary, he may not be dead...but he's far from well. Shouldn't we just tell them the truth?" Lola asked.

"We can't. There would be chaos. No. We must keep them from panicking until we know if Francis will get better or not." Mary said. "But perhaps you were right, saying he is well is a little much. But I will have to make his condition seem less serious...have the court gather in the throne room. I'll make a statement. Calm their fears." Lola nodded and started to leave. "And tell the guard to fetch Catherine. We'll have to agree on what to tell them." Lola ducked out and went to do as Mary had asked.

Catherine. How was she supposed to face her after their last conversation? She didn't really blame her for being angry or upset. How could she? She was only trying to protect her son. If only she explain herself, but Catherine would never understand, because all she can see is what it's doing to him. She didn't know what to say to her. She knew she was right, but if she ever admitted that or acted like she needed her help, Catherine would probably just take that as license to take control over her, and she couldn't have that. Catherine always told her not to be weak, she had to do her best to stand her ground, especially to her.

Meanwhile, Catherine had a wave of inspiration. She decided to have Narcisse help her with Mary, that way she could keep him busy enough to postpone having to figure out what to do about him, while simultaneously being able to use his skills to her advantage. She knocked on his door.

"I just saw you a few moments ago, is my charm really that addictive?" he said. Catherine rolled her eyes. He reached for her face, she slapped his hand away.

"Don't be so full of yourself, this isn't about that." She said "I am in need of your assistance."

"Is 'assistance' code...for something?" he asked coily.

"No. It is not code for something. I need you to help me with Mary. I need more information and I can't get it myself. She knows all of my tricks. She also knows which of my ladies are not just ladies. She'll know if I'm watching her." she explained, even though that wasn't entirely true, she still had a few tricks.

"So you're ready to play chess with her then?" he said. With a sly grin on his face. He relished the idea of destroying the girl who killed his son.

"No. What I said before still holds. I don't want her destroyed...only her plans. If I can't change her mind, I want to make sure she is unable to carry them out. I only want information. I don't want you to interfere without coming to me first. Is that clear?" she said sternly.

"Alright, consider it done. Now, tell me, is there...anything else, I can do for you." he asked taking a step toward her.

"Stop it. My son may be dying down the hall. It's not the time for that." she scolded.

"But it was the time last night." he accused. She scowled at him. He was right, but she was furious with herself for it.

"That was different, I was upset, I wasn't thinking clearly. It was completely inappropriate." she said.

"I see. My apologies. Perhaps, we should defer this...conversation to another time." He said. She nodded and started for the door. When they got into the hall, a guard approached.

"Your Grace." he said "Queen Mary requests you presence in the throne room. The court appears to have caught wind of the King's condition. They are assembling as we speak."

Catherine looked to Narcisse worried, and they both left for the throne room.

When they got there Mary was waiting in the hall for her. Narcisse whispered something in Catherine's ear. Mary looked angry when she noticed Narcisse with her. Why was that son-of-a-bitch constantly at her side lately?

"Go on inside Stefan, I need to confer with the Queen." She said. The eyed each other. Suddenly Mary knew exactly what to say to her...


	3. Chapter 3

Mary had tried to let Catherine be upset with her, as she had every right. Until she showed up with Narcisse, again. Mary saw red.

"Why is he at your side again? He is everywhere you go as of late. You are associating with a man who is our enemy." Mary said.

"Narcisse has paid for his crimes. Associating with him does no harm, he has nothing left to hold over anyone." Catherine said.

"He's responsible for everything that has happened. His blackmail lead to our problems with the protestants, the fact that we are on the verge of war, the invasion on the castle, the men who..." she petered off unable to finish the thought. "How could you stand to be near him?"

"And yet, I am still not the one committing adultery and treason." She said, trying to stay strong even though part of her knew Mary was right. What was she thinking?

"You say that as if you haven't done the same. It wasn't too long ago you almost had your head removed for adultery." Mary shot back.

"Don't you dare attempt to compare my affair with yours. I did what I did because I was degraded by my husband, who slept with every available woman in France, all the while rubbing it in my face!...Francis did nothing but love you, and you betrayed him. It is not the same thing!" She said, anger rising with every word.

"It was Francis's lies that led to all this." Mary said.

"Francis's lies? I thought it was Narcisse's blackmail...So which is it Mary?" She said.

"Both. Narcisse may have forced him to do those things, but if Francis had only told me..." Mary started.

"If he had told you it wouldn't have changed anything. He still would've been forced to make the same choices and those men still would have broken in." Catherine argued.

"Your argument would set it back to being Narcisse's fault then, wouldn't it? Which brings me to my first question. Why is he at your side?" Mary raised her voice again.

"Why is Conde at yours? You know how dangerous his family is to Francis's rule, how they hate him, you don't see that as a threat?" She said.

"That's not the same thing Louis has done nothing to hurt us." She said.

"Nothing? He has made Francis look like a fool. Weakened him in the eyes of this court. That is the kind of thing that gives more nobles the idea that they can do as they please. Not to mention he is manipulating you." Catherine said.

"He is not manipulating me. The idea to back to Scotland was mine." Mary said.

"I'm sure he had no objections." She countered. Then a guard stepped into the hallway.

"Your majesty, the court is getting restless." He said. Catherine and Mary stared at each other, still angry but knowing they had to do their duty.

"They need to be calmed down before there's a problem." Mary said.

"We have to make them believe Francis's condition is less severe than it is. We have to try and avoid the chaos that would ensue." Catherine said. They went inside and took their positions and tried to keep their composure. Mary made her speech and it seemed to work. The crowd dispersed and Mary was about to go and continue her conversation with Catherine when Conde stopped her.

"I need to have a word with you." He said into her ear. She followed him into another room.

"I've just gotten word that protestant forces are mobilizing in Scotland. The danger we faced in going there has just increased ten fold. With it's weaknesses, Scotland may fall entirely. You have to make a move now, otherwise risk loosing your country." He said.

"With Francis ill, the whole of France will be watching me to see how I lead without him, I can't leave. And what can I do from here?" Mary said.

"I have enough information to figure out where the protestants will strike. If you send troops now, they may be able to stop them before they gain too much ground." Conde said.

"Only the King can mobilize troops, and he can't. He wouldn't even if he could. It would leave France weak." Mary said.

"With Francis as he is right now, the King is you. You can send those troops yourself. But you have to do it now." He explained.

"So I should betray Francis? Send his army to Scotland? Let France fall in it's place?" She said.

"France is not going to fall just because you sent some troops to save Scotland. Is that not what an alliance is? You're supposed to help each other when need be. Otherwise what is the point? If he would deny you this, then he is the one betraying the alliance." He started to get angry.

"I don't know. This is an impossible decision." Mary said.

"What is impossible about it? It's your country or his. He's done nothing to protect you thus far, you need to start protecting yourself." He finished and left the room.

Mary stared at the map for a long time. She moved the pieces around, trying to figure out a better way. She felt like she'd been standing there for ages. She didn't want to betray Francis again, but she couldn't bare to lose her country. Not like this. After awhile, Catherine busted into the room, furious again.

"You just won't stop until we're all dead will you?!" She bellowed.

"What are you..."she began. 'How did she find out so fast?' she wondered.

"Using Francis's illness to steal our army out from under our feet is a new low." She seethed.

"I'm not stealing anything, we have an alliance. I am trying to save my country!" She argued.

"Your country is lost! Do not drag us down with you!" She said knocking all the pieces off the map. She couldn't understand how this girl could still be so nieve. "No amount of armies can save it. How many times will you betray this family?...If you send our army out now, it will leave us vulnerable at the worst possible time. And when your plan fails...with a victory in Scotland, Elizabeth will feel bold enough to strike France next."

"If I send them before the English strike, they could..." she started again.

"Are you not listening to me? It dosen't matter. You can not win. You have no choice to make...except one. Are you going to lose one country, or two?" She said.

"So I'm just supposed to surrender?" Mary questioned.

"Yes. As I have said to you once before. It's simple math. Sacrifice lives to save lives. The lesser of two evils. You didn't listen to me then, and we all know how that turned out. The same will happen here. Only this time there is a much higher price to pay." She glared at her and left her to think about what she'd said.


	4. Chapter 4

Mary stood at the window in her room, looking out at the court. Everything was crumbling down around her. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She should have been in Scotland by now. Away from all of it. 'It's never going to end is it? I'll never find peace.' She thought. A knock came at the door and a servant entered.

"A massage for you, your majesty." She said handing her a letter and leaving. She let her eyes roll over the words.

"I'm too late." She said to herself. 'I'm going to lose my country. I've already lost my husband, my dignity, myself. I can't keep doing this.' She thought. 'I need to see Francis.'

She opened his door slowly, and crept inside. She walked to the side of his bed tentatively, and sat beside him. His face was pale and his lips were blue. A crust of dried blood had formed at the edge of his ear. The sight of it was too much for her. She couldn't hold her tears in any longer. They fell from her eyes like a dam had just boken. She reached over and took his hand. How could this near lifeless body belong to her husband? This had to be a nightmare. She heard the door open and close behind her. She turned to see Conde standing there.

"Louis, what are you doing? You shouldn't be here." She said.

"The men are waiting on your word. They need you to make a decision now. If they don't leave soon..." he started.

"Our army will not be going to Scotland...No one will." She said.

"But Mary, England is ready to..." he began again.

"England has already struck. I just received word. My mother wants to surrender. She likely already has. My country is already lost. And as such, is now unsafe to hold me." She explained.

"We can still go. We just have to adjust our plans." He said.

"No. We should have never made those plans in the first place, and you need to leave this room. It's not right for you to be here. It's disrespectful." She said.

"Mary..."

"Please go. I can't do this right now." She said through the tears. He quietly backed out of the room.

As Catherine was on her way to check on Francis, she saw Conde emerge from the room and she was furious again.

"What do you think you're doing allowing him into this room? You can't even wait until Francis is gone to start galavanting around the castle with him!?" Catherine yelled.

"I didn't ask him here. I made him leave just as soon as he arrived. I know he doesn't belong in here. You know I would never do that." She answered.

"Yes well, I never thought you'd run off with a Bourbon or betray the alliance by stealing our army under your sick husband's nose either...but here we are." She said, a little calmer, but anger still dripping from every syllable.

"I am not sending French soldiers to Scotland. You were right. It's already lost. I can not save it." She said quietly.

"Finally you've come to your senses. I'm sure he didn't take it well when you dumped him. We'll have to work on a way to keep him from retaliating." She said.

"I didn't _dump _him." She looked toward the window. "I only canceled our plans."

"Ah I see, so you're going to continue shoving your affair into my son's face?" She started raising her voice again.

"Just because I'm not going to Scotland, doesn't mean I need to stay in the castle. We have other properties I can reside in." Mary explained.

"You can't be serious. This is ridiculous. Why do you keep insisting on this madness?" She questioned.

"Why do you care? You're the one who told me to live separate lives." She argued.

"This is not what I meant and you know it. And that was when I thought he was hiding things from you." Catherine shot back.

"He _was_ hiding things from me!" She replied.

"To protect you! He hid it from me too, you don't see me getting angry about it."

"That's because it wasn't you that had to pay for his mistakes!"

"You act as though he's not paying for them too. He's hurting just as much as you are. And he's not running around with someone else trying to hide from it. He's feeling every moment of it, and I'm the one who has to sit back and watch him suffer while you look the other way."

"I'm not looking the other way. I'm simply trying to start over. Give us both a chance to find some kind of peace."

"Does this look like peace to you?" She said gesturing toward Francis. "And what kind of life are you going to have with a man that could have his head removed at any moment?"

"He knows the risk, but we are devoted to each other." She said.

"As I recall you took a chance of loosing your country and your life trying to save Francis from a prophecy that you barely belived. But with him, you throw him right into the fire. Knowing full well he will most likely lose his head. Yes, you seem so very devoted to him."

Mary didn't answer, only looked back at Francis. She shut her eyes, trying to close it all out. No this isn't what she wanted at all.

"This is what I have to do. There is no other way." Catherine could see it then. She understood what she was doing now. Why she was continuing on with her plan as best she could. She needed something solid to hold onto. Something that she could count on. She needed to feel safe.

"What you have to do. Not what you want to do." She said more calmly than before.

"Happiness is the one thing we Queens can never have." Mary repeated the words Catherine herself had said to her so many months ago. In that moment, Catherine's heart shattered in the cold realization that Mary had taken her words so much to heart that she started to believe it herself. The thing she'd always admired most of her, she'd been the one to ruin. All the time she'd thought she wasn't listening, she'd been hearing all the wrong things. She reached a hand out to her and then pulled it back quickly, not saying a word. She was at a loss. She knew now the only way to get her back was to make her feel safe again, but she couldn't even begin to figure out how to do that. Not without Francis. She took a deep breath in and left the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Mary was back to studying the map again. This time to find a place to go. She knew the moment this was over, whether Francis lived or died, she needed to be gone. Catherine would never relent. She would never be safe from her here. As her eyes rolled over the map, they landed the château Francis had planned for them to go to together and a single tear rolled down her face.

"If you keep staring at it like that you'll bore a hole through the table." Catherine said from the doorway. Mary wiped the tear from her face as she looked up.

"What have you come to scold me over now? Haven't you covered everything yet?" Mary asked.

"Nothing just yet. There's news, from Scotland." She informed.

"More news...so soon? How?" Mary asked.

"Let's just say I have my ways." Catherine didn't want to tell her she'd gotten it from Narcisse. She'd never trust it.

"I suppose it would be to much to expect it be good news." She said.

"The English have allied themselves with the Scottish protestants in order to drive our soldiers out. Your Mother surrendered. They've neutralized the Auld Alliance...and the English are coming for us." Mary turned her head.

"Oh God." She breathed.

"It's time for you to make a decision. Conde or Francis. You can't have it both ways. If you waver the whole country will see you as weak. Easily swayed. They will use it as a tool to destroy us. With the King ill, France needs a strong Queen to keep it stable in his place. Stay and help me save France, or leave now, name me as regent in your stead and go. Whatever you choose, make it your final decision and stop playing with people's hearts." She said sternly.

"It's not that simple." Said Mary.

"It is that simple. If you love Francis at all, even if it's not the same as before, even if it's just the smallest amount of caring. You will stay and help us to keep your cousin from seizing France. You owe him that much." Catherine explained.

"You don't understand..." Mary began.

"Don't understand what? And please don't tell me you love them both. I don't need to hear that nonsense again." Catherine said, referring to the last time she had to make a choice.

"It's not that. How I feel about either of them has nothing to do with it." Mary said.

"Then please enlighten me." Catherine encouraged.

"Louis has gotten a marriage proposal from Elizabeth. He turned her down, but only because of his feelings for me...If I leave him..." she informed.

"He'll marry Elizabeth. Making her claim to power that much stronger." She clarified.

"There will be nothing stopping her then. If she is brazen enough to attack us now, what will she be willing to do with the security of a husband at her side?" Mary said.

"So this is all about keeping him from Elizabeth?" Catherine inquired. Mary was quiet and didn't look Catherine in the face. "Do you still love Francis?"

"That doesn't matter now. Feelings are not important when an entire country is at stake." Mary said.

"It does matter. I need to know the truth. More importantly, you need to know the truth, because I don't think you do. Because you have have pushed yourself so hard into making things a certain way, you're starting to believe your own lies."

"Catherine..."

"Make a decision Mary. Figure out where your heart lies and where your allegiance lies. They don't have to be the same, but you do have to know the difference between them." Catherine started to walk away when the little voice in her head reminded her that Mary needed safety now. She turned back around. "If you choose Conde I won't stop you, as long as you secure things here first, but if you want to stay, then we will find a way of stopping Elizabeth...together. Don't let fear make your decision for you."

Mary waited until Catherine left and then broke into tears. And here she was again. Catherine had given her the freedom to follow her heart once more. She'd somehow always been able to find a way to make everything sound so simple. Like the answer had been there all along. Maybe it was. After the tears subsided, she made her way to see Conde.

"Mary." He said as she opened his door. "Has something happened?...Francis?"

"Francis's condition hasn't changed. That isn't why I'm here. I've made a decision." She said.

"About what exactly?" He asked.

"There's rumors coming in that England is set to attack us as soon as they are done driving our army out of Scotland. With Francis being ill, and without a Queen, France will crumble under the pressure...I cannot leave with you."

"I understand, it will be Harder for us if we stay, but there isn't..."

"You can't stay here either." She interjected.

"What do you mean? I thought..."

"I need to be seen as strong and unfaltering in my allegiance. I have to make my people believe that I am fighting for them and not running away with my tail between my legs. I can no longer be the Queen without a country." She needed to get it all out before he started to try and talk her out of it.

"I understand if you're afraid..."

"I am afraid. Afraid that I have made a terrible mess of everything."

"Mary..."

"The decision is made. You have until nightfall to gather your things and leave. It's over." She said and then left without giving him a chance to answer her.

As the night started to creep in, Conde was filling a carriage with his belongings.

"You called for me?" Mary said coming up behind him.

"I did. I hoped perhaps the sight of me leaving would be enough to dissuade you from this decision you've made." He said.

"It hasn't. This is what must be done. You would do right to stop questioning me." She started to walk away.

"So that's it then, did you ever really care about me, or were you just using to hide from your pain?" He said. She did not answer him. She did not turn around. She kept going forward, keeping her tears away with sheer willpower. As she went to go back in, there was Catherine, standing in the doorway. She looked at Conde getting into the carriage and then back at Mary. She knew what was happening. They stared at each other for a moment, eyes meeting in understanding. No words needed to be spoken. Mary hadn't made a choice, because there had never really been another option. It was all in her head. Francis was her only choice.

...Mary opened Francis's door. She slowly went to his side and sat on the bed. She took his hand and started to cry.

"I'm so sorry." She struggled through the tears. She laid down on the bed next to him and cried herself to sleep.

A short time later Catherine came in to find Mary still asleep. She swallowed her emotions the sight. She thought about leaving, but she was so drained. She just wanted this all to end. She pulled a blanket over Mary and walked to the other side of the bed. She kissed his forehead and then sat in a chair and and put her hand over theirs. She knew this was far from over, but at least now she could finally let her worry fall where it should be. With her son. The rest she would leave for tomorrow. Then she fell asleep as well, the three of their hands linked together.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Mary awoke still laying next to Francis. Catherine had woken and left the room long before. She grabbed hold of the blanket over her, wondering where it had come from. She slowly sat up and stared at Francis through groggy eyes. She'd fallen asleep next to him. But how? She laid there all night, hearing his breathing, and still she slept

"What have I done?" She said quietly. All of it had been for nothing

She knew she had to go find Catherine and discuss what to do about England, but she also didn't want to leave Francis's side. She'd been away from him too long already. She held back a tear and kissed his cheek. She stood and straightened her dress and got ready to face the worst trial yet. Her own guilt

Mary looked everywhere for Catherine, but couldn't find her. Instead she found Narcisse in her room. In her desk.

"What are you doing in Catherine's room?" She said as she entered.

"I'm here to see Catherine."

"She is not here and yet you seem to be very comfortable looking through her desk."

"I was simply looking for some paper so that I could leave her a note...since, as you've said, she's not here."

"Well, I am here now why don't you tell me your message and I will relay it to her. I intend to speak to her shortly."

"I'd rather not, as this particular message is that of a more _personal_ matter." He said slyly.

"I'm not sure what your up to, but I don't like it. I'm going to warn you now. Stay away from Catherine."

"I'd say my proximity to her is up to her to decide. Don't you?" He said with a threatening tone. Then he left.

Meanwhile, Catherine paced in front of the stables. Bash had come to her that morning telling her that her daughter, Clarissa, was still alive. She couldn't help but think that was why Francis was dying. After all, that was Nostradamus' prophecy. She'd ordered him to kill her, but he refused. Now she was trying to decide what to do. Should she go and look for her? Do the job herself? Would she be able to kill her own daughter? Regardless of their past, she still loved her to a degree. Not the way she loved Francis or her other children, not even the way she loved Mary. But she did love her. How could she just take her life, especially since it was her fault she never had one.

Mary looked for Catherine all day, still not finding her. Instead she kept running into nobles asking about Francis's condition, which only served to feed her guilt. Guilt which slowly started to strangle her throughout the day. After awhile, she decided she simply couldn't bare speaking pleasantries to one more person. She went back to Catherine's room to wait for her. She would have to come back eventually, and in the mean time she could hide from the questions.

After quite some time had passed, Catherine finally returned to her room. When she opened the door, there was Mary, just standing there, fists clenched nervously to her side.

"Mary." She said cautiously, off the pained look on the girls face.

"I've been looking for you all day. To talk about England..."

"I had some matters to attend to."

"I've been waiting here for you for hours...I've finally had time to myself...to think." Catherine didn't move or make a sound. Something about Mary's demeanor was off, and it was scaring her.

"I've realized you were right...about all of it. About my feelings for Louis. About my betrayal. About me being afraid. I _was_ afraid. I was afraid to face the truth. And the truth is, I've been blaming Francis, blaming Narcisse, blaming you...blaming everyone but the person whose fault this really is...me. I wasn't afraid of facing what happened to me...I was afraid of facing the fact that I caused it." Catherine shook her head a bit, wanting to tell her not to blame herself for her rape, but the words wouldn't come. She was still unsure of what was happening.

"If I had only listened to you...If I had only held my pride...just that once...maybe...and now look at where I have brought us all. Francis is dying. I've hurt the people closest to me. I've destroyed their trust in me. I have lost my country and damaged the safety of another, just so I wouldn't have to face it...And I fell asleep next to him. I pushed him away for nothing. If I had only waited...if I had only given it a chance...Now...no matter what choice I make, I will be bringing Elizabeth's wrath down on us. She will always see me as a threat, and as such, we will never be safe from her...but as I have said, I've had time to think...and I have come up with a solution." Catherine furrowed her brow as if to ask what she meant.

"You don't have to worry anymore." Mary's fist opened up and a vile dropped to the floor, shattering before Catherine could see what it was.

"Oh god." She breathed out.

"France...and this family will be safe now. I won't have anymore lives lost or destroyed because of me." She said as she started to fall. Catherine ran to her and tried to stop her from hitting the floor.

"No! You foolish girl, what have you done?" She said holding her firmly.

"It's alright it'll all be over soon. All the pain...mine, Francis's, yours. The danger we're all in, will be over." She said, a single tear falling from her eye.

"Damn it Mary, what did you take!" She yelled, shaking her. She gently set her down and scrambled to the broken vile. She picked up a piece of broken glass, trying to figure out what it had been before it broke. She looked for a missing bottle on her cabinet. "Tell me what you took!" She yelled again.

"I'm sorry Catherine." Catherine panicked. She sopped up some of the left over liquid with a handkerchief and took a whif of it, trying to determine the poison's origin.

"Hemlock." She said. She started furiously searching for the bottle that held the antidote. Opening and closing bottles. She needed to find it quickly. She had no idea how long ago she'd drank the poison. Finally, she located it and went back to Mary, pulling her into her lap.

"Drink it." She said holding the bottle to her mouth.

"This is the only way." Mary said, barely audible.

"Drink it, damn it!" She yelled and forced it down her throat. Mary started choking and spitting some of it up, but most of the vile's contents reached their destination. Mary continued to cough, as Catherine breathed a sigh of relief. She held her head to her chest and smoothed her hair back.

"Don't you you ever do that again!" She scolded, as she started rocking her back and fourth. She kissed the top of her head. "Don't you ever do that again." She repeated more quietly. They were both crying now. Mary nestled her her head into Catherine's embrace and held onto her for dear life. "It's alright, I'm here. I've got you."

Just then a servant came in. She looked at them strangely, but said nothing.

"Majesties," she said curtsying. "It's the King. He's awake." then she left.

"They breathed a sigh of relief and hugged each other tighter for just a moment.


	7. Chapter 7

Mary sat at Francis's side for quite sometime, even after Catherine had left. Half the castle buzzed around him. They didn't talk. Mary was afraid to speak to him. Afraid of what he might say. He had every right to hate her, but she didn't know if she could handle hearing it. She just wanted to see him while she still could. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to live...and even if she did...would she be staying at the castle? After everything that had happened, could they bare being near each other? Right now, she was just content to see him awake, even though he wasn't out of the woods yet. After some time, the physician started making everyone leave the room so that he could rest.

She walked back to her room like a zombie. When she got there she changed it her nightgown and sat on her bed. It was too quiet. She was alone again...until Catherine walked in.

"I suppose you're here to make sure I hadn't tried to kill myself again. Why do you even care? You'd think you'd be glad to be rid of me." Mary said quietly, laying down on the bed.

Catherine hated that she had to ask that question.

"Maybe because part of all this mess is my fault too." She said as she came closer.

"Your fault? How could any of this be your fault. This all started because I didn't listen to you." She asked.

"That may be true, but why didn't you listen to me...because you didn't trust me...and that...is my fault." She explained.

"Catherine no..."

"Because of the way I treated you, the things I did. How could you trust me? And that night...I promised you...I said that I would help you through it...but I was too busy chasing ghosts." She said lifting her face up by her chin.

"You can't blame yourself for that...you were being poisoned...I am the only one to blame." Mary thought for a moment. "The truth is, I never thought I'd be able to be near him again. I couldn't imagine putting him through that forever. It wasn't fair. So I thought if I pushed him away, hurt him badly enough, he would finally stop trying and find another way to be happy...but I just made it all worse. I don't deserve to be here, and even if I did, my existence puts everyone in danger." Catherine sat next to her on the bed.

"If anyone understands what it's like to think you're helping and wind up making everything worse, it's me...you asked me earlier where I'd been all day...Bash came to me this morning and informed me that he had been a village yesterday where he came across a girl about to be burned at the stake for being a witch. As it turns out, it was Clarissa."

"Clarissa? But...she..."

"I ordered him to kill her, so the prophecy would be fulfilled and Francis would live. He refused. So I spent the day trying to decide whether or not I should kill my own daughter. The only reason I didn't was because I decided I probably wouldn't be able to find her. Not because I wouldn't have if I could." A tear fell, but she quickly wiped it away.

"But you didn't, and Francis is alive anyway...we can still..." she started. Catherine began shaking her head.

"Bash returned to her, telling her he wanted to send her away somewhere where she'd be safe from me. When she found out why...she took her own life...to save her brother. She wanted to make amends for all the things she'd done. Her last words were that she forgave me, but I don't know if that makes it better or worse."

"Catherine, I'm so sorry...but why are you telling me this?"

"Because I need you to understand that I have already lost one daughter today...I don't want to lose another."

Mary started crying. Catherine wiped away some of her tears.

"I know I didn't keep my promise before, but will keep it now, I will do everything in my power to help you find your way back. All you have to do is promise me you'll try." She looked Mary in the eyes, holding her hands. "Promise me." Mary nodded, crying even harder. Catherine laid down next to her and pulled her in.

"What are you doing?" Mary asked.

"Do you remember when you were young, that time you snuck into my room in middle of the night because you were afraid there were monsters under your bed?" She said.

"I thought you'd be furious with me, but you weren't. You let me stay all night. I felt safe with you. I knew you'd protect me from the monsters."

"This is the same thing, only this time the monsters are in your head...you were forced to grow up too quickly, perhaps you just need to be young for awhile, even if it is just for one night."

"I didn't understand your caring that night and I still don't. I don't deserve it."

"I didn't deserve yours either." She explained, remembering the way Mary used to look up to her and respect her. In a way even her own children never did. She was probably the only person who ever cared about her just because of her, not because she was supposed to. The only one who didn't think of her as 'The Italian Woman' or 'The Black Queen' as many liked to call her. She truly just enjoyed her company and in turn Catherine had learned to enjoy hers. What had happened to them? Mary put her head on Catherine's shoulder and they both drifted off to sleep, wiped out by the emotional day.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Catherine awoke with Mary still laying on her shoulder. She carefully slid out from under her, pulled the blanket up over her and tip toed out of the room. She needed to get changed and then go and find Bash. She wanted him to take her to where Clarissa was buried. She needed to say goodbye, even if she never really got a chance to know her, her guilt was eating her up. She needed closure.

A short while later, Mary woke, looking around the room for Catherine. When she didn't find her, she got dressed and went to see Francis again. She thought perhaps this time she could muster the strength to talk with him.

She peered into his room to see if he was awake. He looked up when he noticed her at the door.

"I hope I'm not bothering you." She said.

"It's alright. Come in." He said.

"I just...We didn't speak yesterday and I...I wanted you to know Condé is gone. It's over between us. Completely. I know it's a small condolence, and I don't expect your forgiveness any time soon, but I need you to know how sorry I am. That I wish I could take it all back." She said, trying to fight back tears.

"I am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" He said weakly.

"No. I just needed to understand that. To know my intentions were never to hurt you. I know that sounds ridiculous considering what I've done, but somehow in my mind, I was saving you." She said.

"Saving me?" He said in awe of her answer. "You can't be serious?"

"I thought you would be happier without me. Without what happened to me always looming over us. I tried to get you to let us live separate lives, but you didn't want to, so I thought if I..." her voice started cracking with emotions "And then I just kept telling myself that I loved him and that it was the right thing to do. I had this idea set in my head...but I was wrong, it was all wrong."

"I want to be able to forgive you. I just don't know if I can. How can I forgive you if can't trust you?" He said.

"I don't know." She said simply, trying to fight the tears.

After she sat with Francis awhile longer, silently, she told him he needed his rest and she left. She went to see Catherine, but when she got there, she was leaving her room in a rush. She was wearing her riding cloak.

"You're going somewhere?" She asked. "Is now really the best time to leave the castle?"

"Probably not, but there's something I have to do." Catherine answered as she walked past her. Mary followed behind.

"What could possibly be so important?" Mary asked. Catherine looked around to make sure no one was listening.

"If you must know, Bash is taking me to Clarissa's grave. If she can't have a proper funeral, the least I could do is say some words for her." She said and then started walking faster. Mary grabbed her arm to stop her.

"What is it? Bash is waiting. I don't want anyone to see us." She said as she stopped walking.

"Would it be alright if I came with you?" Mary asked. "I'd like to say my piece as well." Catherine nodded.

"Alright, but be quick about it." She answered.

"Let me just grab my cloak." She said and started off toward her room.

On their way to the stables, they passed some rose bushes.

"Wait." Mary said.

"What now?" She questioned. Mary pulled out a knife and cut off some roses.

"Something to leave for her." She said holding out the flowers. Catherine half smiled and took Mary's hand, urging her to move on.

When they got to the stables, Mary attached the flowers to the horse's saddle as she watched Catherine and Bash talk. She noticed how oddly comfortable the two seemed to be with each other. 'When did that happen?' She thought.

"I looks like we're sharing a horse." Catherine said as she turned back to her. Mary nodded and mounted the horse then put out her hand to help Catherine up behind her.

They stopped a few yards short of the grave and Bash tied up the horses. He pounded a cross into the dirt and walked back and waited by them.

"I'm sorry about Clarissa. I know you never knew her, but it must still be hard to lose her." Mary said. She saw the sadness on her face. "Maybe even harder because of it."

"I'll never forgive myself for causing her to have to live the life she did." Catherine said.

"Henry would have killed you both if he'd known. It was the only thing you could do." Mary said.

"Was it?" Catherine asked, knowing that that it wasn't and Mary was only trying to ease her guilt. Mary had no answer for her so she simply held her hand for a moment. A tear fell from her eye and Mary squeezed her hand.

"I'll give you a few moments." Mary said and went back to Bash. Catherine knelt down and touched the cross.

"I hope wherever you are, you can hear me. I know I was the worst mother in the world to you for the short time I knew you were mine, but I need you to know that I did love you. I'm so sorry." She whispered as another tear dropped and fell onto the grave. She wiped her eyes and stood, then made a move to join Mary on the horse. Bash stopped her and made her share his horse instead, explaining that the horse was too small for two and that it had been struggling on the way there.

When they arrived back at the castle, a guard was waiting for them and he told Mary that there where nobles that wanted to speak with her urgently. She made up a lie about where they'd been and hurried inside, not waiting for Catherine.

She'd spent hours talking to the nobles. When she finally emerged from the throne room it was already getting dark. She went to Catherine's room and she wasn't there. Then she bumped into one of her ladies on the way out.

"Have you seen Catherine?" She asked her.

"No your majesty. She went out riding this afternoon and hasn't come back." She said.

"Thank you." She said. The lady nodded and walked away. 'Hasn't come back?' She thought 'That doesn't make sense.'

She was just about to leave when Narcisse showed up.

"I thought I told you to stay away from Catherine." Mary said sternly.

"I was only passing by. Am I not allowed to walk down the hallway either?" He said.

"Are you going to pretend you haven't done something?" She said.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about?" He said.

"Catherine is missing. If you hurt her..." Mary started.

"Missing?" He questioned. Mary could see the surprise on his face and realized she'd made a mistake.

"You didn't know?" She asked.

"No." He said looking suspicious. Mary hoped she hadn't let slip something she shouldn't have. "I could help find her..."

"No!" She said. "If you had nothing to do with it, then surely I was just overreacting. She probably just lost track of time." She tried to act as though she wasn't worried. She walked away and went to one of her guards. She sent him looking for Catherine.

'Where could she be?' She wondered, hoping something terrible hadn't happened.


	9. Chapter 9

Aguard had told Mary that Catherine and Bash had finally returned and she rushed to go find her. When she got to her room, Catherine and Bash were coming out. They were disheveled, bruised and bloody.

"My god, what happened?" Mary asked. Catherine stepped aside and opened the door so Mary could see for herself. She looked at Catherine worriedly and then turned her eyes inside. There, lie Narcisse's cold dead body on her bedroom floor.

"We found out he had helped plan a coup. He's the reason Francis is so sick. He had him drugged. When he figured out we were coming to tell you, he...he tried to..." Catherine started but got a bit emotional. Bash put a hand on her shoulder. Mary noticed this and knew it must have been bad if she was accepting comfort from Bash. Then she saw the bruises around her neck and she remembered when she too had bruises around her neck.

"No. Tell me he didn't." Mary asked.

"He tried. Bash stopped him." She said. Mary knew she must have been terrified. She hugged her. "It's okay. I'm alright." She assured, knowing Mary was probably worried about her state of mind. And she really was. "You were right. Both of you. I was such a fool to believe him. Even for a moment."

"Catherine..." Mary began. Catherine held a hand up to signal her not to push the subject. She knew if Mary tried to comfort her, she would break, and she couldn't afford to do that. Not now.

"We have to get men over that ridge to stop the coup before it reaches the castle." She said. Mary nodded.

"Bash send all of your men. Every last one if you must. I will not let them get to Francis." She said. Bash nodded. He glanced at Catherine a moment before leaving. Mary looked back and fourth between them and then gave a questioning glance at Catherine. Catherine looked away. Mary shook off her thoughts and continued. "We'll post every guard we have at his chamber door if we have to. They will not win." She started to walk away when Catherine grabbed her arm.

"Mary, there's something else you should know. Conde will be leading the attack." Catherine told her. Mary's stomach dropped.

"Oh god. This is all my fault." She said.

"No more than it is mine. Your relationship with Conde may have caused him to seek revenge, but my trust of Narcisse allowed him to drug my son and help plan an attack on the castle. Just as Francis's letting the slimy insect live in the first place, had a part. We are all to blame." She assured. "We will stop them, and then we will all wash our hands clean of this mess we have made." Mary nodded and they went off together to talk to the guards.

They had the guards made aware of the possible attack and then made there way to the front gate where Bash was getting ready to lead the men out.

"Are you sure there enough men here?" Mary asked as he mounted his horse.

"Not entirely, but we have more men coming. We should also have the element of surprise on our side. I think we can win." Bash said.

"Good luck to you." Catherine said. Bash nodded and went to the front. Catherine and Mary stood and watched them until they were out of sight.

"Do you really think they can win?" Mary asked.

"If Bash says the can. They can." Catherine said.

"Since when are you so trusting of him?" She questioned.

"Well he did just save my life." She said. Mary thought there was more to it, but didn't push. "We should get back inside. We don't want to be out here if they do happen to get past Bash. We'll be sitting ducks." Mary nodded and followed her inside.

They went to sit with Francis. Being all in one place would make it easier for the few guards they had left to protect them. They sat there for what felt like forever.

"I wish there was something I could do." Francis said.

"What you _can_ do is get well." Catherine said.

"Or you could just come with me." They heard a voice say from the doorway. They turned to see Conde staring back at them.

"How did you get in here?" Asked Mary. He opened the door wider so they could see the guards all lying on the floor.

"I laced a few darts with a sleeping potion. They'll be out for a few hours." He said holding a crossbow on them. "Come with me Francis, and no one gets hurt."

"You will take my son over dead body." Catherine said.

"That can be arranged." He said turning the crossbow on her. "You ruined everything for me. Yours is the one life I wouldn't mind taking."

"No. If you want vengeance, take it on me." Mary said. "I'm the one who hurt you. She had nothing to do with it."

"Mary no..." Catherine started.

"She's the one who talked you out of it." He said.

"Stop this! I'll go with you..." Francis began as he tried to get out of bed.

"No Francis. Both of you stop trying to sacrifice yourselves. Nothing is worth that." Catherine said.

"You're so eager to die for him? Maybe you will." He dropped the crossbow and went after her with a knife instead.

"No!" Yelled Mary and stepped in front of Catherine. Something forced Conde to stop, as her reached her. A confused look spread across his face. He looked down, a dagger sticking out from his gut. He looked back at Mary, a drop of blood falling from his mouth.

"Always carry a dagger at French court." Mary said shakily. He fell to the floor and Mary dropped the knife. Catherine walked around to face her as she shook.

"You killed him? To save me?" She asked. A tear fell from her eye, but she said nothing. She didn't need to. Catherine simply hugged her in response.

"It's alright Mary. It's over." Francis said. Mary let go of Catherine to see that he was standing next to her. He put a hand on her shoulder. She turned and hugged him.

"I'm so sorry. You deserve more than that but I don't know what else I could say. I'm just so sorry." She cried into his chest.

"It's alright. I forgive you." He said. She pulled back just enough to look in his eyes.

"But how could you?" She asked.

"You risked your life just now, to right your wrongs. I couldn't ask much more of you than that." He said. She tried to smile through the tears. Then turned to Catherine.

"Catherine, I..." she began.

"Don't." she said holding up her hand. "I forgive you too...Welcome back." Mary nodded and held out an arm. Catherine joined in on the hug. "Neither one of you better not ever try to die on me again."

"We'll put it all behind us. Start fresh. No more secrets, no more lies. And we learn to trust each other." Francis said. They both nodded.

"We will because we're family." She said then looked at Mary. "All of us."

**_~FIN~_**

**_(Note: Wait for the final chapter of A Change of Heart if you wanna know what happened to Bash)_**


End file.
